[I do not own the rights to CATS, I do not own the rights to The Mikado, I do not own the rights to the Trial by Jury, etc etc. I own Lina]
~
Lina: OK, listen up......I've recovered from the extreme trauma which the last plat we did resulted in. Isn't that great?
(Cats mumble tactful and less tactful responses) (Mungo mimes severe disappointment and "faints")
Lina: And I've forgiven you for causing me brain damage. So I thought today we'd do a panto.
Cori: It's "Tanto" not "Panto".
Lina: You what?
Cori: Tanto! (explains as if to a small chiild) As in Tantomile..........
Lina: No! No! No! Panto! As in pantomime!
Cori: Are you sure it's not Tanto? After all...
(Cori and Tant break into a song and dance routine)
Cori&Tant: Coricopat and
Tantomile
Everywhere we
go, we raise a smile
We
live in a Junkyard and we dine on fish
If anyone says
we're not cool, we say PISH!
They say that
we're quiet and that we never play
WE say we're
loud and that we rule OK!
Coricopat
and Tantomile
Everywhere we
go we-
Lina: (interrupting) SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! It's a PANTOMIME and YOU lot (she glares at the Cats) are going to be in it.
(Cats look worried)
Misto: But Liiiiiiiina, do I HAVE to?
Lina: Yes. I want you to be a page.
Misto: Doh!
Vicky: (looking smugly expectant) Who's going to be Beauty, Lina?
Lina: Uh....Munkustrap.
Munku: WHAT?
Tugger: Hahahaha! Munkustrap's a girlie, Munkustrap's a girlie!
Lina: And Tugger, you're going to be a tree.
Tugger: An Ent? Cool!
Lina:No, just an ordinary, non-speaking tree.
Tugger: WHAT?
Lina: Yes, and Jemima, you're the Beast.
Mima: WHAT?
Lina: Oh yes you are. Now, you've all got your scripts so lets begin.
Mungo: Uh...Lina? I don't have a script.
Lina: OK, who stole it?
Demi: MACAVITY!!!
Lina: What? No of course he didn't take the script. He's not even here. Stip being silly. Now, who's got Mungojerrie's script?
Demi: MACAVITY!
Lina: Demeter, unless you stop being so silly, RIGHT NOW, I'll get coss. VERY cross. Macavity isn't anywhere near here. You're beinga distraction. Macavity ISN'T here, so let's-AAAAAARGH!!!
Macavity: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Lina: Macavity! Help! I'm being kidnapped! Heeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!
(Cats watch gleefully as the henchcats grab Lina)
Lina: I'll give you money! Help me! Somebody! Please!
(Lina is carried off kicking and screaming. Cats go back to sleep)