Bombi – Oh god… she’s still completely Hyper….. dear lord here we go….
(Kittens are returned to the hall and are waiting patiently for the next scene to come on.)
(Enter Tugger with a heap of band aids all over himself and his left arm in a sling)
Etcetera – SQUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Tugger!!! Over here!! Hey? What happened to Tugger?
Victoria – Gosh… you really are braindead aren’t you?
Etcetera – What’s braindead?
Jenny – Never mind dear…. Victoria… don’t scare her like that!
Viccy – Sorry….
CT – And now! Onto act two!!!!
Tugger – To sum up the story Little Red Riding Bombi is in a supermarket being hounded by an annoying little shop assistant.
Misto – I’m not little…. I’m er… I’m ahhhemm…. Vertically challenged….
Tugger – Whatever. C’mon Misto! It’s your line..
Misto – Oh… yeah… Erm… Little Red Riding Bombi… what are youuu ddoing in-n a shoppin-ng cenn-tt-re all bby youursell-f?
Bombi – (In a swishy kiddy voice) I’m going to Grannie’s house on the other side of the supermarket.
Jelly – Little Red Riding Bombi! I thought you knew better than to talk to strangers!! (Puts on a cheesy voice and starts talking to the kittens) I hope you little ones know not to talk to strangers as they may not be very nice they may turn out to be….
Demeter – MACAVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mac – What? I just wanted to know why I never get a part in your plays CT? Just because I’m the typical bad guy doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings to you know! You have deeply…..
Tugger – Oh go get high on some catnip you *BBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP*
Jenny – Tugger!!! I’m surprised at you!!!
Tugger – Meh… big deal…
Mac – Hey? CT? Tugger? What about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?????
CT – What about you???????????
Mac – WHY DON’T I GET A PART????????????
CT – Because I SAID SO!!! NOW GO AND SIT WITH THE KITTENS BEFORE I DO SOMETHING RATHER UNPLEASANT TO YOU WITH THIS BALLPOINT PEN!!!! (All the cats quake with fear. Macavity sits down with the kittens and hides behind Victoria who takes pity on him and puts a paw around his head)
Tugger – Wooooooaaaaaaaaahhhh!! CT that was pretty coooooolll!!!
CT – Get on with the story NOW!!!!!
Tugger – Okay! Okay!! Don’t get your tail in a knot! The shopping mother steered Little Red Riding Bomba away from the sleazy salesman and over to her kids. All of which were very spoilt.
Jelly – Bombi? I was wondering if you could look after my kiddies for me while I go and buy them a treat? I’ll give you ten dollars? (Aussie Dollars ppls… equiv to about 5 american at the moment…)
Bombi – Welll……
Tugger – She was thinking this over very hard..
Jelly – Oh I knew you’d do it! Thankyou!
Bombi – (Watches as Jelly leaves the stage and turns back to the four cats in front of her who are acting even worse than normal kittens.) I don’t remember this being in the original do you? Tant? Gus? Lonzo? Demi? What the *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP* has gotten into you?
Demeter – C-c-a-t---n---ii-pp hh-ii-gg-hhh…… -tt-hhhi-I-sss- I—sss h---o-ww CT m—a—d-e u-s— a- -cc-tt l—iiii-kkk—ee kkkkiii---t---ss….. (translation: Catnip high…… this is how CT made us act like kits.)
Bombi – Alright then…. CT!! I’m surprised at you! You know what Catnip does to adult cats!
CT – Tell someone who gives a damn…. (pulling beanie down over eyes to hide the scene in front of her)
Bombi – (reading from a script) Hmmmmm….. I don’t want to look after these kits so I should run all the way to Grannie’s house! (Runs away from the rather ‘stoned’ cats who are then taken off stage by Skimbleshanks. Stage is now empty)
Tugger – Little Red Riding Bombi suddenly realised the time and rushed to get to her Granny’s house.
Bombi – Oh dear…. Look at the time… I’d better rush to get to granny’s!
Mac – You don’t say….
Bombi – Shut up Maccy Boy! You can see what I did to Tugger! (He promptly shuts up)
Tugger – So… after all that time… she finally reached her Granny’s house. Little to her knowledge though the sleazy shop assistant had shoved her old grannie…
Teaze – ‘EY! ‘ooo are you callin’ old!
Tugger – As I was saying…. Had put her Grannie in a cupboard (Misto shoves a slightly disgruntled Teazer into a box and sits on top of it.)
Teaze – (Slightly muffled) Why the ‘ell am oi stuc’ in a box! Mungo! Ge’ me ou’’a ‘ere!
Misto – Shut up Teaze! You’re ruining the play! (He grabs one of the dresses that was in the box and shoves it on)
Tugger – Just then Little Red Riding Bombi came to the door.
Bombi – Lemme in Granny!
Misto – (In a high pitched voice) It’s o-oopen dear!!
Tugger – ooopen?
Misto – SHUT UP TUGGER!!! Just because I get stage fright doesn’t mean that you have to tease me about it!!!!!
CT – (Taking beanie away from eyes) Please…… (begging) just get on with the *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP* play!!! And Jenny!!! Quit *bbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp* well beeeeppinngg all the time! It’s driving me nuts!!!!!
Jenny – Well! I know when I’m not appreciated! (storms out of the room)
CT – Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaseee let this be a nightmare!
Tugger – Bombi went inside to see her Granny…
Bombi – I have a basket of stuff for you Granny!
Misto – Oh joy… er I er mean Oh! How nice! (his stage fright seems to have cleared up)
Bombi – But Grannie! What a strange hat you have on! (pointing to the tweed boater)
Misto – All the better to keep the sun of my beautiful eyes! (fluttering eyelashes.
Bombi – And what funny shoes you have on! (He is still on the basket and a funny half-strangled noise is coming from inside.)
Misto – All the better to…..
Mungo – Ge’ ‘er ou’’a there! She can’ breaf!!! (Tries to punch Misto off the basket but misses and hits a prop in the back. This causes a domino effect and all props fall on Misto.) Awww bugger….
Misto – AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This is sooooooooo stuuuppiiid!! I’m splittin! See you all later! (He dissapears in a cloud of smoke)
Mungo – Well that was… interesting…. (More spluttering is heard from the basket/box) Teaze! (He opens the box to find a perfectly fine Teazer.)
Teaze – Well? ‘Owdidja loike moi actin’?
Mungo – (Rolls eyes but gives her a big hug anyway, glad to see that she’s alright)
Teazer – Well! If that’s the way I get treated after a big performance sign me up for the next one!
Bombi – There won’t be a next one right CT?
CT – Awwww…. I dunno…. I like writing these things and it’s always rather funny to see Ms Mousie.. er I mean Munku dressed as a woman and Bombi doing something stupid……
All cats – WE WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!
(CT Faints)
Tugger – Faints?
CT – You gotta problem with that? (Waving a rather menacing looking ball point pen)
Tugger – Nope… not a one!!! (Backing off slowly so as not to add to the rest of the battle scars. CT ‘re-faints’.) Well… I spose that’s the end then…
Cori – But I never got my big part?! Oh it’s not fair!!! Why do I always miss out!!
Jemima – Why do you always miss out! If I remember correctly you were a fairy prince in the last one while I was a ‘swallooooow’. I didn’t even get a line in this one!
CT- (Awakening) What do you mean! You just said something!
Jemi – Well, it wasn’t as much as last time!
Jelly – Now dears do calm down!!
Mac – I wanna join the tribe again! Can I? Can I? Can I?
Munku – (Still in Elizabethan dress) This is why we banished you in the first place! Your obsessive compulsive behavior!
Tugger – Like you can talk Queen Elizabeth! You should be banished for being a cross dresser!
Munku – I don’t do this for fun you know!!
Tugger – Yeah sure you don’t and I’m Mary Queen of Scots!
Etcetera – You are?
Viccy – Told you she was brain dead.
Jenny – Victoria! I’ve warned you already!!
Viccy – Yeah yeah… sorry..
Etcetera – What’s brain dead?
Demi – Oh go swoon over Tugger!
Etcetera – Wowwe!! You are really smart!! What a good idea!! (Exit Etcetera)
Bombi – Help me get out of this goddamn stupid bloody coat! Hey! I wasn’t beeped!!
Demi – (Helps her out of the coat) C’mon. Let’s go. This is soooooooo dumb!
Bombi – I totally agree!
CT – Well Kits? Did you like it?
Tumble – Heh… can you get Munku into a dress again?
CT – I fully intend to in the very near future.
Pounce – It was good. I liked it!
CT – Wow! Positive feed back. I think I might die!
Munku – Go on! No one would miss you….
~Finis~
Wow…. That was stupider than I thought it would be…..
Comments? Please Review it!! I am hyper no more……………
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!~~~ Never believe an OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSON!!!!!!!!!! HE HE HE HE HEEEEEEE HEEEEE!!!