Little Red Riding Bombi
By Chibi Teazer

ACT 1

OOHH!!! MAJOR SPOOOOOFFFF ALERT!!!! I’m in a reaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyy sillly moooooddd tooday!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAYYY… Now all I need is a serious idea to turn into a wonderfully funny story! I know!!! We’ll do that terrifically wonderful story that everyone knows!!!

Ok so onto the story…………..

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CT — Okay everyone! It’s me again! This time we are going to do a play for the kittens!!

Kittens — YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!! (running around her happy that they don’t have to do anything like what happened last time….)

(Collective groan runs through the crowd of older cats that are in front of her)

CT — Well! That wasn’t very nice! I know how much you loved my last story!

(Everyone grimaces except for Rumple and Mungo who in the last story stayed pretty well in one piece.)

CT — CAST LIST!!!!

CAST LIST FOR Little Red Riding Bombi

LRRB — Bombalurina.

Narrator — Tugger

Mother — Munkustrap

Father — Mungojerrie

Grandmother — Rumpleteazer

Shopping Mother — Jellylorum

Shopping mother’s Children — Tantomile, Asparagus, Alonzo, Demeter

Wolf/Sleazy shopping assistant — Quaxo/Misto (note for readers: He will be known as Misto k?)

Huntsman — Coricopat

CT — (To herself on the other side of the room to the cast list) Now I made the mistake of asking if there were any problems last time… I won’t do that again.

Munku — Oh bloody hell. (Stomping over to CT) Do you think it’s funny to make me the female in every one of your stupid plays! Do you think I like it! WELL I’LL TELL YOU NOW!!! I HATTTTTTTTEEEE ITTT!!!!!

CT — Well, I can’t really break with tradition can I? Every play that I’ve ever read you’ve been a cross dresser so I assumed that you liked it or something…..

Munku — I’m never going to live this down! The toms are still calling me Ms Mousie from the last one!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Disappears shaking his paws in frustration) (Read Tantolina to understand about Ms Mousie)

Bombi — (Storming over to CT) WHAT IS THIS!!!!! I REFUSE TO PLAY A…. A…. WHATEVER THAT IS!!!!!!!!!!!! (pointing to a fairy tale book in CT lap.)

CT — Well…. If you don’t play her I can tell everyone what really happened to Tugger’s old belt. (grinning slightly)

Bombi — (blushing and lowering voice) fine then! But… but…. I will not…. swoon over anything or any other crap like that! You hear me!!!

Jenny — (Joining them) Now CT I hope there will be no swearing in this play as it is for the kittens. (Said in a warning voice.)

CT — Yes Jenny… DO YOU HEAR THAT YOU LOT!! (yelling to the cast) NO SWEARING!! (They all join her) So lets get this show on the road!

Tugger — (under his breath to the other toms) yeah… that’s where it belongs! Under the tyres of a pick up truck all mangled and smushed up…. (they snigger)

CT — I have chosen to ignore that comment. But! We need our narrator.

Tugger — (walks over muttering curses under his breath) Why am I the narrator? Last time you had me in a straight jacket if I remember correctly?

CT — I thought this would be the way to keep you out of trouble and away from PESKY toms (Raising her eyebrows and looking over to the gang of toms who whistle and look in different directions.) who make you make smart stupid comments.

Tugger — So you admit I’m smart?

CT — Just get to your spot on stage! (pointing)

Tugger - I expect there is something comfortable for me to sit on! (extending his hand to where CT is pointing.)

CT — You can sit on your thumb for all I care. But here you go… a nice satin pillow… (pulls something out of her bag.) NOW start Tugger!

Tugger — Whatever. There once lived a queen who’s name was HAH HAH!! Little Red Riding Bombi! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww…. She was nicknamed that because of the happenings on her third birthday.

Munku — (Appears in an Elizabethan type dress with all the jewelry and trimmings. Once again sniggering is heard from the wings)

Tugger — Good on you Munky boy! Or is that Munky Girl? (All the kittens crack up)

Munku — Shut up tugger or I swear you’ll never live another day!

Tugger — Whatever. Get on with your part!

Munku — Who died and made you king!

CT — Guys! Munku! Move it!

Munku — Fine! Oh! It’s our dear little daughter’s birthday! My husband….

Mungo — (Enter Mungo in a suit much like Robin Hood’s with the tights and all) Heya everyone! Oi’m the father! (kitten’s look a bit confused but get over it quickly enough.)

Teaze — I though’ ‘e woz moi ma’e?

CT — This is a story! How dense! Get on with it! (under her breath) why do I even bother to try! I always end up saying get on with it!! Ahhhh…..

Munku — And he has a beautiful gift for you.

Bombi — Ooh Aah…. What is it Mother?

Munku — (gives her a parcel) Well dear open it up and you’ll find out.

Bombi — (Said with not an ounce of excitement in her voice) Ooh… I’m so excited.

Mungo — That’s my girl!

Bombi — Shut up.

Mungo — Ok.

Tugger — As she opened the gift she found a beautiful coat that was all red. She put the coat on. (Bombi puts the coat on. It is one of the old ones that admirals wear when they are at sea.) She wore it every day. So from then on she was known as:

Whole Cast — Little Red Riding Bombi.

Electra — Excuse me CT?

CT — Yeah?

Electra — Why is she called Little Red RIDING Bombi? She never rides anything so I don’t gettit.

CT — You know what? You’re absolutely right! ASPARAGUS!

Asparagus — Yeah?

CT — You’re still in charge of costumes and that type of stuff. Find me a hobby horse.

Asparagus — Alright. (He goes of into the wings.) (from the wings we here:) Oh blast. MUNGOJERRIE! You have got to move these things that you nicked from Mrs Fratuloptarista last week! I just tripped over them!

Teazer — But we haven’t got anywhere else to put them!

Asparagus — Bloody kleptomaniacs…… Ahhhh here we go. (He reappears.) I’m sorry CT I couldn’t find you a hobby horse but I found you this. (Holding up another *item* for everyone to see)

Bombi — Oh no! There is no way you are getting me on a duck! I mean who ever heard of it! A duck. A cat on a duck! No I won’t do it! I won….

CT to Jenny — Does she ever shut up?

Jenny — Nope.

Bombi — I can’t believe you want me on that!!!!!! AHHHHHH…..

CT — When you’re quite ready!! (Glares at Bombi which makes her shut up.)

Bombi — This is an utter outrage….. I hate you sooooooooo much. (After all that though she still gets on the duck, much to the kits’ delight.)

Tugger — Now Duckqueen’s Grannie….

Bombi — I’m sitting on a duck, playing a little girl in some crap fairy tale and I have a pirate coat on DON’T MESS WITH ME EGOTISTIC BOY!

Tugger — (feeling a bit frightened of the now enraged queen) Okay… sorry. Anyway, her mother came to her one day and said:

Munku — I want you to take this basket of cakes and honey to your grandma. And be back in time for dinner or your life won’t be worth livin!

Tugger — Ok-a-y someone needs to work on his acting a bit.

Everyone — Shut up!

Munku — Go straight to Granny’s and don’t speak to any strangers on the way. DO NOT stray from the path or the evil wolf will getya! (Kittens all scream in terror.)

Tugger — Little Red Riding Bombi promised to do as she told. Little did Mousie… erm… Munku …. (Picking up a script) Ah.. HER MOTHER know that she had her fingers crossed behind her back. Her grannie lived on the other side of the forest. Hold on… THE forest? It’s not like there is only one forest in the world is it? I didn’t think so, so lets say Grannie lived on the other side of a shopping mall..

CT — Oh whatever (banging her head on the wall) get on with it!!!!

Tugger — So she went skipping down the road until she came to the doors of the shopping centre (mall in America but hell… I’m an Aussie! So it’s Centre). She was a bit nervous but after seeing the budget price of catnip in the pet shop window she was inside in a jiffy. She started shopping through out the centre. Meanwhile her mother was:

Munku — Where the *beeeeeeeep* is my VISA???????? (credit card ppls). Hey! Where did the *beeeeeeeep* come from?

Jenny — Just to make sure there is no swearing in front of the kids. (smiling sweetly)

Tugger — Whatever. So Little Red Riding Bombi was in the shopping centre with mummy’s credit card and was searching around for something to spend up big on when she came across a sleazy shop assistant.

Misto — (enter Misto wearing a tweed jacket with tails and a strange looking boater [for anyone who doesn’t know what a boater is go and look at the Knox Boys’ hats *giggle*. In other words it’s a rigid straw hat that’s flat on top] and brown spats) D-d-doo I haaaafta–d-do this??

CT — YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Misto — Whh-h-hyyy??

CT — Because you do!!!!!!

Misto — O-o-kk….. H-hheeellloo Little R-r-reeed Ri-ii-ddd–iinngg Boombi..

Tugger — Boombi? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

Bombi — (Moves over to where Tugger is sitting and unsheaths a claw at his throat.) I swear buddy…..

Jenny — (Quickly moving on stage and closing the curtains.) AND THAT is the end of the first act Kitties!! CT will take you outside and play with you until we can erm get Bombi away from Tugger’s throat….. hmmmmm…. GO CT!!! Occupy theM!!!!!! NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!

~END ACT ONE~

^_~ Not too bad was it?? Considering how much of a stupid mood I’ve been in recently!!

Onto Act 2...